3 Ways College Is Like The Evil Empire

"Get a Degree in the Liberal Arts, Take Out Student Loans... or Perish."

“Get a Degree in the Liberal Arts, Take Out Student Loans… or Perish.”

The stranglehold that colleges hold over the collective population’s imagination and wallets is something that parallels even the most outrageous science fiction. What other product could be such a staggering failure and yet still compel lower and middle class citizens to go deeply into debt to pay for it?

It’s a lot like the Galactic Empire in Star Wars. You can practically see Darth Vader and Sith Lord Darth Sidious pulling the strings and laughing manically from the third Death Star. Here’s how:

1. Like Vader, Colleges Use Mind Control

From age 10, elementary school students are drilled with the message that they must go to college or they will end up living in a garbage can like Oscar the Grouch. It’s the most diabolically ingenious marketing campaign ever, better than anything Bud Light or Doritos could have concocted.

Even though College is a Product that’s cost has risen 4 times the rate of inflation, even though total student loan debt has surpassed $1.2 Trillion, even though millions of graduates can’t find a decent job and are paying more than $600 a month in student loan payments — students are brainwashed to believe that college “isn’t about the money”.

Even though more than half of recent graduates are working at jobs that don’t require a degree, students are led to believe “you need a degree or you’ll end up a failure in life.”

It’s the same technique used by insurance salesman when they tell you that an expensive policy “isn’t about the money, it’s about security”.

Colleges do have salesmen, but they are called “Recruiters”. Colleges have propagandists, but they are called “Teachers” and “Guidance Counselors”. By the time a student is 18 he’s become a salivating, frenzied college addict who will pay any price to get the thing he’s been mentally conditioned to believe he needs.

Students and Parents have been played, they’ve been sold, they’ve been completely mind controlled — and they have no idea it’s even happened!

Fucking brilliant.

“These are not the droids you are looking for…. and by the way, go to college or you’ll end up a crack addict living on Skid Row.”

2. College: Join Or Be Destroyed

The Galactic Empire’s primary directive was Order in the Galaxy. They didn’t politely ask for allegiance, they commanded it through threat of destruction, even commissioning the construction of a giant “Death Star” that could destroy planets. In one particularly horrific instance, the entire planet of Alderon was destroyed simply as a demonstration of the Empire’s might!

People who rebelled against this were hunted to the far reaches of the galaxy and branded as “traitors”.

Colleges are the same way. The collective belief, which is a leftover ideal from the 1960s, is that in order to have a fruitful and successful life, a young person must become “well rounded” and “educated” by spending another 4 years sitting in classrooms and taking tests in an expensive academic institution.

But what about people who choose to think for themselves, and skip all the meaningful classes and expensive courses in college? They are treated like the Rebel Alliance, hunted and threatened with destruction.

People obey the directive to go to college or live in fear of some terrible repercussion.

This is an email I received from a 17 year old high schooler in New Hampshire who wanted to discuss alternatives to college with her Father (since they don’t have a college fund, and she’d be required to take out $50,000 in loans to pay for school).

email from high school student

Other students of mine who have elected to skip college, or even take a year off, are met with fearful judgment and hear things like “You’re ruining your future.” Parents go into hysterics. They seem to believe that they’re darling children’s heads will spontaneously explode or they will instantly become a sun burned hobo wandering the streets of Venice Beach if they do not immediately go to college.

And when an institution has that kind of power over the minds and hearts of people it’s as insidious as en Evil Galactic Empire.

3. Colleges Have Chancellors

University of Chicago President Robert J. Zimmer and Chancellor Palpatine: Separated at Birth?

University of Chicago President Robert J. Zimmer and Chancellor Palpatine: Separated at Birth?

Colleges and Germany have Chancellors, like Chancellor Palpatine of the Galactic Empire.

The title Chancellor at colleges is more common outside of the U.S., in places like Australia and the UK. In the U.S. the head of a college is called the President, and they also wield a great deal of unilateral power. In fact many college Presidents earn $1 Million or more, such as University of Chicago President Robert J. Zimmer who made $3,358,723 in 2013. The total earnings for the top 10 highest paid college President in the U.S. was $22,912,920, which is an average of about $2.29 Million.

These Academic Galactic Overlords continue to make more and more money every year, in proportion to rising tuition, even as the value of a college degree continues to decline and student debt skyrockets.

But that’s okay, because you “can’t put a price tag on an education” and college “isn’t about the money”.

Which is exactly what your Academic Galactic overlords want you to believe 🙂

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